To bathe or not to bathe!

Disclaimer - The whole narration of events is only for the kings and queens of procastrination.. aadarsh baalak aur baalikaayein please avoid this series of lazy events ..


I live in Delhi and Kilograms of mucus in my rumaal and on my mind tells me its November,
I wonder why Sweet Billie Joe did not ask to be woken up when freaking winter ended and not harmless September!

Every Morning just when your alarm has abused his elegant arse off for 10th time in a row
Your mind sets off on a ninja battle with its evil twin who wishes nothing but to get you fired,
Many objects and emotions appear bigger than they are in that decisive moment - The mind numbing temperature of the marble  floor or fog by the window
But hell lets loose when brain decides to dress up as puppy eyes, looks down in your real eyes and ask "all this hectic life, aren't you tired?!"

Some days with a simple mathematics and low morality you can afford to take that innocent leave of absence..
But there are days when the excuses made in past laugh at your helplessness in the present,
You then muster up all the courage left in your veins and decide to plunge in the sole reason of your existence..
But One step on that remarkably son of a bitch cold floor, and there you are crying how wrong were you to ever get up from inside that quilt!

Some days you may have slippers by your bed, geyser working perfectly fine and time to treat your frozen nerves with a glorious tea
But (Kim Kardashian BUT) mistake you not my friend! None of those glorious days happen to fall in the winters , at least not with me!
My winter mornings are as chaotic and senseless as a Humshakal movie scene, do not wonder about which one,
The slippers are a mystery Sir Pradyuman cannot find, Oh there you may spot one but where the hell is another one!

Once the make belief pair of matching slippers is acquired cometh the task of brushing thy teetheth ,
In less than a minute, the routine of oral hygiene is executed thinking who needs a dentist!
As you turn away from the oval wash basin, arrives the question of life an death,
Should you stick to the golden rule of alternate days or be a man/lady to face  up to a shower  tryst ?!

The whole bathroom saga which  once appeared impossible ends, you stand there in front of your cupboard contemplating to iron the crumpled t-shirt or wear it like a boss,
And just when you are smiling at yourself basking in the victory of your decisive powers, You realize you will have to catch your bus again running across!

The moisturizer, the lip balm, the badaam, the akhrots wakes from the dead and become your biggest challenges in that foggy morning,
The edge of the table you hit your toe with and the blood that freezes become your daily life and its mourning.

I live in Delhi and Kilograms of mucus in my rumaal and on my mind tells me its November,
I wonder why Sweet Billie Joe did not ask to be woken up when freaking winter ended and not harmless September!

Shaadi.Com, You the man!

Just Yesterday i turned 25,
My mom gave my dad a virtual hi five

I was confused, i was clueless and not really interested
Not until the moment my dad asked me to give him 3 photos in suit, he added "would be nice if the original me was editted"

Without much thought i gave him the photos and went on to continue with my life
Again not until i returned home one day and my mom looked tearry eyed at me and said "You are gonna soon be a wife"

Mommy said lets go out in the world and find somebody who shall understand your soul
For which i learnt the best way was to visit multiple online forums and choose on the basis of what? well! height and package that should be very tall!

Poor eligible grooms and their mommies and daddies ferociously searching for a bride a perfect army of 100 virtues in one slender tall fair.. my bad! Very fair and pretty cook
They did not stop there but added their pretty preference of somebody traditional but with modern outlook

Educated men with Kilograms of degrees and KiloLitres of sophistication demanded the brides to be sweet, homely and not broken for even a fraction
Ofcourse the matrimonials is a big wall of fame and these douche - bags are the centres of attraction

Without checking my facts i can claim guy with the height 5'2"" is not tall and a big beer belly does not qualify for athletic son!
But oh dear Lord! They got 99 problems but expecting a super model to marry him and make "gol chapaatis" ain't one!

For now i am an Associate in LalaLand
Browsing through emails from boss and managing garland in the other hand

Hope Dear Shaadi.com and sensible jeevansaathi.com find me my soul mate
Until then can the "blissfully married" aunties around me get a life or get laid but leave me to my own fate ! 

Comfort Zone - My new Postal address!

I was born in Delhi in a house of brick and mortar perfectly cemented,
It is a pretty house with all that i would need but not everything i wanted.

As a child, answer to the question "where do you live" was a straightforward  pin code and a street number,
But as i grew up the very question started to pinch me and made me wonder.

For the naked eye i seemed to be living in the same house with same old fragrance,
But a wise man or a nosy relative or a drunk pseudo - philosopher friend could see Comfort Zone was my new correspondence address with only what i thought or deemed fit to exist, different from my residence.

I don't know when and i wouldn't know how i built that Goddamned comfort zone brick by brick,
but it definitely was one hell of a place i could not escape no matter whatever was the trick.

I don't know if I lived in it or it fed on my lack of ambition in life,
But Boy could I ever even imagine to do anything that i could not bring back to my home called comfort zone which was nothing less than a possessive evil wife .

Anything with a surname like "New" or "Different" or "Unusual" was not just UN - invited but also UN -attended  ,
Oh You cruel comfort zone you never let me meet strangers or do anything new, i am sorry are you my some useless jealous husband ?

I wonder now who gave this hell of a place its name, comfort zone ain't too comfortable if u ask me through,
I ain't comfortable seeing a new dream, i ain't comfortable executing a new routine and i am exhaustingly uncomfortable even considering a different point of view

Every weekend I sit in my comfort zone like its some shitty dungeon`except for a comfortable couch and wifi connectivity
I surf interesting locations, better career opportunities, quarter packages of gym and as battery of my laptop begins to die I flush all "inter-comfort zone" thoughts with a cola and burp obviously not so pretty.

I have come to realize through the context of this poem, that i should conclude it with some noble thought or some quick fix to evade from this evil comfort zone,
But Alas the mistress doesn't let go of  its prey, thus any inspiring or motivating quote holds no place in a comfort zone this old. 2 minutes of mourn!

Freedom - It was never physical, it never will be!

Disclaimer - There is a fatwaa against me after this blog by the people who have made their living out of crying hoarse for not have been able to walk on streets at 3 a.m.

So #DrumRollll #ShubhAarambh,
Now and then i come across a female blaming her lack of freedom on the very basis "have you seen, i cant even go out of home after 10.. i just don't have a life in Delhi!"
I see how that comes in the way of partying you late in the night or if you want to catch up a late- night movie because you were stuck making PPTs till 9 in the office
BUT, a punjabi huge dramatic BUTT , how does that answer my question when i ask how is life going on behen? or if i ask so Delhi it is you put up, you must be doing things so different and interesting apart from the monotonous job small town girls get stuck to because of lack of infrastructure and exposure to opportunities.. are'nt you?
i have mummy kassamm no idea why i get bombarded with a victimized voice from a poor female who has
access to Theaters, music schools, hell load of dance institutes, literary club,sports academies,plethora of illustration and designing institutes just a METRO away!
Practically with all those options, its a crime, cold blooded brutal one to say Delhi offers no freedom to poor girls.
Come to think of it, do we really understand freedom and its gigantic fruits and gifts after all.
Or we have actually lost our freedom while trying to blend in the steorotypical definition of freedom defined by few people out there.
aap meri baat nai maan rahe ho.. hawwww.. humpe bharosa nahi.. chalo dekho following points.. aap bhi na..hatto 

"Why should i cook, am i good for only to rot in kitchen?" .. hmm.. so you think your mom is fit to rot in kitchen because while you are throwing tantrums, she is making your favourite rajma chawal.. thats not so feminist.. is it! And how is cooking food not an art but a rotting torture.. HOW? just how? :/

"Why should i not roam freely in night, why do i get judged for drinking in night or clubbing".. how does that affect your freedom to follow your heart and do what your heart aches for.. unless you wanna get a job as bouncer.. ehhh!
p.s. - Boys also get judged all the time for doing above.. and they too fall in troubles all the time for boozing and bugging.
p.p.s - alcohol and freedom are as different as software programmer and life (#Sob)

"Why me as a female should be the sensible and elegant one? " so you mean you do not get irritated when boys behave sissy , right? so if us females are expected to be the sensible one with little more grounded-ness than guys, it is wrong even if that maintains balance and even if that means you will be a more successful person than the equivalent boy.. but NO, why should the girl be expected to cook and clean even when it is completely ok for us to expect our guys to be protective, strong, worrying about finances, pick us up late in the night.. hmmm... interesting! Tell me more about it #Halo

"Why should i get married at a certain age and why not when i want to ?" .. No harm in not getting married at all. But at a certain point of time, if you do plan to get married but holding back BECAUSE  you want to spend your real nice time in doing work of MNCs that doesn't make you happy at all or make a bitter face on every couple who seems in love, it is not worth after all i guess to go in a desperate state of mind and marry the next guy (rarely) available after you have crossed the age where you have lost your youth, ability to enjoy little things in life and you are about to lose your ability to reproduce without complications.. That does not hold true for boys because of 1 simple biological logic. Boys can procreate all their lives. we women have a certain age restriction.. Mess with the nature, boom nature messes with you in shakti kapoor way  #NoIdeaWhatThatMeans

"Is being a wife my only identity ?" - Darling, your identity is what you make it to be. Nobody asks you to spy/track/nag/complain/suck life out of husband out of your sheer dependence on him that never goes away. While the patidev is working in office, why cant you keep to your daftar chupchaap.. Get into any work you want na in your own office. who has asked you to clutter his or your own mind either with bitching or your own insecuriites.. Babe Java to seekhni padhegi na, Boss to jhaadhega hi na.. isme patidev ka kasoor find out karo.. chalo.. nahi mila na :)

Your identity is what you decide it to be. First Convince yourself, you will see the lovely world was always dying to follow you but not unless world finds you deserving..

My whole point of this blog is to stress that freedom is  realizing one's own fate and dreams and have the guts to come out as a winner. That to me is freedom instead of theory papers defining and restricting the definition of freedom.

P.S. (lots of P.S. in this blog , maafi) - Defining freedom will not let you free, living it will !
As i said freedom was never physical. it was always supposed to be in that mind and that cute little heart of yours which keeps your engine going not clutter it with tears and complains :)